Captain Haddock's Insults

I've always admired Captain Haddock, since I got "The Secret of the Unicorn," way back when I was seven. People say it's because I take after him so much... I especially admire his tickling turn of phrase: the way he states his thoughts: "By rights it should be black as the inside of a cow!" ("Flight 714"); "Wait till I get my hands on the miserable molecule of mildew who dreamed up this balderdash!." Click here for more of his idiomatic idiosyncrasies.

His abuses also are the most wonderful collection I've ever had the fortune to read... and actually use. They sound so hilarious...But they're not only funny, but also very informative. Some are simple (saucy tramp, poor loon, etc.), but others like anthropophagus, phylloxera, nyctalop...not so easy. With my favorite ones first, I have collected as many possible, and defined them to the best of my ability... If you can help with any of these, even add one that I, ignoramus, missed, please let me know.

Almost all the definitions are adapted from: New Webster's Dictionary and Thesaurus of the English Language, simply the best encyclopedic dictionary ever.

Dictatorial duck-billed diplodocus!
Wonderful! One of my best reigning aces! Click here for the individual definitions: duck-billed platypus and diplodocus.

Macrocephalic baboon!
Macrocephalic is anything with an abnormally large head. (A favorite of favorites!)

Two-timing Tartar Twisters!
Tartars were fierce mounted warriors, who conquered like a tornado.

Whipper-Snapper!
A young, under-sized boy who behaves with more self-importance than proper.

Prattling porpoise!
Small- to medium-sized whales, having a rounded rather than a beaked snout. Note!

Scoffing braggart!
Note!

Squawking popinjay!
A silly, conceited, but mannered fop. Note!

Bashi-bazouk!
A soldier or old Turkey's (the Ottoman Empire's) irregular armies, notorious for cruelty and plundering.

Ectoplasmic by-product!
Fuzzy on this, but it sure sounds funny!

Mserable blundering barbequed blister!
Oh, ho! ho! ho! This is hilairious! Read it "Tintin and the Picaros!"

Infernal mileage merchants!
...

Anacoluthon!
Sounds hilairious... Grammatical phrase, where a grammatical construction is abandoned at the middle of a sentence for another.

Pithecanthropuses!
Genus of now extinct primitive humanoids with small skulls and apelike faces.

Odd-toed ungulate!
Ungulate is a hoof of an animal.

Bottled bilge-water!
Bilge-water is foul water collected in a ship's bilge (the bottom of a ship from the keel to where the sides begin to rise).

Carpathian caterpillar!
The larva of a moth or butterfly, with no distinct body parts, and a voracious eater.

Freshwater spaceman!
...

Interplanetary goat!
...

Diplodocus!
Genus of gigantic herbivorous dinosaurs. Growing up to 80 ft in length, it had a very small brain...

Thundering misguided missile!
...

Guano gatherer!
Guano: droppings of seabirds, valuable as fertilizer. Usually found off Peru.

Brontosaurus!
Colossal dinosaurs, growing up to 65 feet in length.

Rhizopods!
A sub-class of protozoan, small single-celled or colonial organisms, usually restricted to water.

Anamorphic aardvark!
"Anamorphic" means genuine, and an aardvark is a large, heavy ant-eater.

Tapiocans!
The Captain is referring to the supportors of General Alcazar's archrival: General Tapioca.

Sub-tropical sea-louse!
A louse is a small, wingless parasitic insect, with a mouth adapted for biting and sucking.

Abecedarians!
One who knows only the basics of everything.

Abominable Snowman!
...

Aborigine!
A native, usually in the derogatory sense.

Anachronisms!
Use of something in the wrong time context (like Julius Caesar smoking).

Anthracite!
Form of coal, carbon-rich & very hard.

Anthropithecus!
Sorry... pass.

Anthropophagus!
A cannibal.

Artichoke!
Plant, closely related to the sunflower, with edible tubers (like potatoes).

Autocrats!
An absolute ruler, despot, or dictator.

Aztecs!
A race which ruled Central Africa in splendor, before European contact.

Baboon!
General term for a monkey.

Bagpipers!
...

Balkan beetle!
...

Bandit!
...

Beastly things!
...

Beasts!
...

Belemnite!
A squid-like creature, extinct since the Mesezioc Era.

Black marketeers!
Someone who illegally sells goods.

Blackamoor!
No idea!

Black-beetles!
...

Blackbird!
...

Blackguard!
An utterly unscrupulous person.

Bloodsuckers!
...

Body-snatcher!
A kidnapper, often referred to in alien abduction.

Bollard!
A post on a ship's deck or to the quayside to which mooring ropes are tied.

Bone-idle builder!
...

Bootlegger!
Import of goods without paying legal import duty or tariff.

Borgia!
An Italian family of Spanish origin. Their creulty, crimes, profligancy, bad faith, and ambition made many Borgias despised by Italians.

Bougainvillea!
Genus of luxuriant tropical creepers.

Breathalyser!
A portable device which measures a person's alcohol consumption by his breath.

Brigand!
A member of a band of looters; bandits.

Brutes!
...

Buccaneer!
A pirate, historically from the Anglo-French confederation, pirating against Spain in the Caribbean.

Bully!
...

Butchers!
...

Cannibal!
Person who eats other people.

Carpet-seller!
A seller of carpets, of course!

Centipede!
Voracious and predatory arthropods, some which grow up to a foot long.

Cercopithecus!
Genus of long-tailed African monkeys: baboon, rhesus, etc.

Cheat!
...

Clever dick!
...

Cockleshell!
The shell of a cockle, edible mollusks found in Europe.

Coconuts!
...

Coelacanth!
A family of ancient fish, existing for 300 million years. It was thought to be extinct, but a number have now been found.

Coleoptera!
Scientific name of the beetle and it's relatives.

Corsair!
A privateer of the Barbary coast (in and around the Mediterranean.)

Cowards!
...

Crab-apples!
Wild apples with a bitter taste.

Crackpot contraption
Brain-child of a mad scientist.

Cro-Magnon!
A paleolithic race of tall, long-skulled "men."

Crooks!
...

Cry-babies!
...

Cyclone!
Tornado-like, but with violent storms.

Cyclotron!
A particle-accelerator, usually with protons.

Dipsomaniac!
Someone with a morbid craving for alcohol. (Rings a bell!)

Dizzards!
???

Dogs!
...

Doryphores!
I have no idea!

Duck-billed platypus!
A primitive aquatic mammal, native to Australia. It nurses it's young and has fur, but lays eggs.

Dunder-headed Ethelreds!
"Ethelred" was the family name of three English kings who fought against the Danes.

Dynamiter!
Someone who uses dynamite, or someone who destroys.

Ectoplasm!
I'm not sure, but it has something to do with holding a cell together.

Egoists!
A pompous and selfish person. Fancy-dress facist!
Extravagant dictator.

Fancy-dress Fatima!
Fatima is a common name in Muslim countries: the daughter of Mohammed (SAW).

Fancy-dress freebooters!
Flashy plunderer.

Fat-faces!
...

Filibuster!
A freebooter, living by looting and plunder.

Flaming Jack-in-a-box!
Someone who is usually still, but suddenly moves violently.

Fraud!
...

Freshwater swabs!
A swab is a mop used to scrub the deck of a ship.

Fuzzy-wuzzy!
Anything small and covered with soft fur or hair. (Somewhat affectionate... strange.)

Gallows-fodder!
People for who gallows exist.

Gang of thieves!
...

Gangsters!
...

Gherkin! (sea- !)
Plant yielding fruit like a small cucumber, used mainly for pickling.

Gibbering ghost!
...

Gobbledygook!
Complex and technical junk talk.

Gogglers!
???

Goosecaps!
Can't say...

Gyroscope!
A wheel spinning is a way that the wheel's plane can vary, but it doesn't, because of the Earth's inertia. Useful in navigation.

Harlequin!
A buffoon wearing bright colors.

Heretic!
One who advocates heresy.

Highwayman!
A horse-mounted robber.

Hi-jackers!
...

Hooligans!
A rowdy youth, usually in a gang.

Hydrocarbon!
A large class of organic compounds consisting only of hydrogen and carbon.

Iconoclast!
A person who destroys religious images, or opposes their use in worship.

Interplanetary pirate!
...

Invertebrate!
Any organism without a backbone.

Jackanapes!
A conceited, impertinent young man or boy.

Jack pudding!
...

Jellied-eel!
An eel jellied for storage.

Jellyfish!
You know...

Kleptomaniacs!
A person with a neurotic urge to steal purposelessly.

Ku-Klux-Klan!
In Haddock's sense: anyone who wears the traditional robe and mask of the Ku-Klux-Klan white supremacists.

Liquorice! (now, licorice)
A black extract of a dry root, used for flavoring tobacco. dt>Logarithm!
To diminutize something very large. Technically, a mathematical statement: if a=bn, n is the logarithm of a to b.

Lubbery scum!
A lubber is a clumsy, unskilled sailor wannabe.

Mameluke!
From the Muslim sultanate which virtually ruled Egypt. Originally composed of mostly converted Turkish or Circassian slaves.

Meddlesome cabin-boy!
...

Megalomaniac!
An insane person with delusions of grandeur.

Miserable earthworms!
...

Miserable molecule of mildew!
Mildew is the white fuzzy growth fungus makes on a plant or other organic matter.

Monopolizers!
...

Moth-eaten marmot!
A relative of the woodchuck, thick-bodied short-legged rodents.

Moujik!
A Russian peasant.

Mountebanks!
A quack who sells "miracle cure" medicines, exploiting public ignorance.

Mule!
...

Nanny-goat!
An old, often troublesome, female goat.

Nincompoop!
...

Nitwits!
...

Nitwitted nine-pins!
A bottle-shaped pin (usually used in bowling), and dim-witted.

Numbskulls!
...

Nyctalop!
Someone or something with abnormally poor vision in dim light.

Olympic Athlete!
...

Ophicleides!
An obsolete musical instrument, like the keyed-bugle.

Orangoutang!
(now orangutan) A great ape native to the forests on the islands of Borneo and Sumatra.

Ostrogoth!
Goths who settled in Ukraine, and were eventually conquered by the Huns.

Pachyrhizus!
I'm not sure, but "pachi" is Greek for "thick," and "rhiza" is "root"...

Paranoiac!
A paranoid person.

Parasites!
Anyone who lives off the earnings of others.

Patagonian!
An inhabitant of Patagonia, the southern region of South America.

Pestilential pachyderm!
"Pestilential" is a deadly epidemic disease. A pachyderm is a rhino, an elephant... any hoofed mammal with thick skin.

Phylloxera!
A genus of destructive plant lice.

Picaroon!
A rogue or a pirate; or his ship.

Pickled herrings!
...

Pig-headed...
(The Captain never managed to finish this curse. A pity... Read about it in "The Crab with Golden Claws.")

Pirates!
Too simple...

Pockmark!
A pit-like scar, on skin, ground, etc.

Politician!
...

Polygraphs!
A lie-detector, use of which is still controversial.

Polynesian!
From Polynesia, where people are either fishermen, or coconut farmers.

Poor loon!
A loon is someone very silly, especially after he's done something very silly.

Prize purple jellyfishes!
Someone wihtout self-reliance and firmness of will. Technically, jellyfishes are marine coelenterates, consisting of a transcluscent umbrelly, and sometimes deadly tentacles attached.

Profiteer!
Someone who makes exhorbitant profits, espcially in times of scarcity.

Psychopath!
Insane person.

Purple profiteering jellyfish!
Profiteering is demanding outrageous profits.

Pyrographers!
Pyrography is the art of making pictures with fire or heat.

Rats!
...

Road-hogs!
A reckless driver.

Rubberneck!
An indefatigable site-seer.

Ruffian!
...

Saucy tramp!
...

San Theolodite!
Here, the Captain is referring to the Tapiocan politician of the country of San Theodores.

Savages!
...

Scorpion!
...

Sea-lice!
Lice found on the sea.

Shipwreckers!
...

Slave-trader!
The words say it all.

Slubberdegullions!
God knows...

Snake!
...

Spitfire!
Anyone, but especially a female, who gets angry very quickly.

Steamroller!
A steam-driven vehicle with a heavy roller attached, used to even roads, etc.

Swine!
...

Sycophant!
Someone who flatters others for self-gain.

Technocrat!
Someone who governs by technical details.

Terrapin!
An edible fresh-water turtle.

Toads!
...

Toffee-noses!
I dunno...

Torturers!
...

Two-timing troglodyte!
Anyone (prehistoric or otherwise) who lives in or above a cave.

Traitors!
...

Tramps!
...

Tribe of savages!
...

Turncoats!
Renegades.

Twister!
(in the Captain's sense) someone who distorts things.

Vagabonds!
Wandering, without a fixed home.

Vampires!
Mythical creatures which awake only at night to feed on the blood of humans.

Vandal!
A barbarian people who attacked the Roman Empire. Now, it's someone who destroys for fun.

Vegetarian!
Sublime...

Vermicellis!
Very thin threads of dried pasta, often made in soups.

Villain!
...

Visigoths!
A Western Danubian division of the Goths who, in 410, invaded Italy and sacked Rome.

Vivisectionists!
Someone who dissects animals while they are still alive.

Vulture!
Large birds of prey, which often feeds on carrion.

Wildcat!
Any of the big cats in the wild.

Woodlice!
Lice existing on wood.

Wreckers!
...

Zapotecs!
No idea...

Note: these words of art are contrived by a famous ancestor of Captain Haddock, Sir Francis Haddock. He's in "The Secret of the Unicorn."